My 3 y/o just described cookies as "dirty and yummy." Never been prouder.14 hours agoSorry I burned the asparagus #crypticapologies23 hours agoOne of feminism's under appreciated triumphs is Ms Pac-Man. So much better than Pac-Man it's a little humiliating.Sunday, May 19, 2013Those tiny tasteless fingernail-sized salad shrimp, while technically the most definitive of the species, really don't deserve their name.Friday, May 17, 2013This week's episode of Mad Men--brought to you by 50 Shades of GreyFriday, May 17, 2013It's been too long since I got the middle finger from an entire school bus. Takes me back. Thanks guys!Thursday, May 16, 2013Explaining to my 3 y/o the difference between wanting and needing--I find myself looking for the camera, sure this will be used against meWednesday, May 15, 2013There should be a 1 mirror limit in bathrooms. I don't need to see every angle.Wednesday, May 15, 2013Congratulations Ken! Ordering my copy right now... “@kenbaumann: My first novel's out today. http://t.co/QzFjgFMh61”Tuesday, May 14, 2013Is it okay to pronounce the T in valet? Or will that get me punched in the face?Tuesday, May 14, 2013RT @NouvellaBooks: And we're LAUNCHED! Derek Palacio's HOW TO SHAKE THE OTHER MAN - get 'em while they're hot http://t.co/3egmhGqIjjTuesday, May 14, 2013Maybe if I put a $ in my name somewhere people will spontaneously give me their parking spaceTuesday, May 14, 2013I don't understand what Greyjoy did to inspire Joffrey-level torture. On the plus side, nice to see a bear.Tuesday, May 14, 2013Not sure why Twitter thinks @judyblume is similar to me, but I'll take it. Love Superfudge.Wednesday, May 8, 2013P.F. Chang's is offering wine pairings? Someone in the marketing department is gonna get fiiiired...Wednesday, May 8, 2013@DagDom17 Chatroulette, the next generationMonday, May 6, 2013Sore throat is making my voice husky. Time to record my outgoing voicemail message as Lindsay Lohan.Sunday, May 5, 2013Making meatballs for Greek Easter. True and, incidentally, a terrible memoir title.Sunday, May 5, 2013@jimatdeltaco pretzel combos and a room temp Dasani. Hard core.Friday, May 3, 2013@jimatdeltaco's Middle Men is how it's done. A story collection so entertaining it's making my airport wait a pleasure.Thursday, May 2, 2013